In this episode, I'm here to get real with you and hold the mirror up so that you can see what you can't see. Are you limiting yourself or others without even realising it? Are you talking yourself out of things that could help you grow and expand? Are you struggling to leave a job or relationship even though you know it's not serving you?
As humans, we often think we have control over our thoughts and actions, but did you know that nearly 90% of your thoughts originate from your subconscious mind? That means that most of the time, we are automatically thinking without even realising it.
Through my work as a coach, I've seen how our thoughts can hold us back and keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. In this episode, I'll share stories of clients who have come to me with challenges they are facing, only to realise that the common denominator between them and their challenges is their own thinking, words, and actions.
Join me as we explore the power of your subconscious mind and how to become aware of the thoughts that are holding you back. It's time to break free from limiting beliefs and start living a life that truly serves you. Don't miss this empowering episode and have a notebook and pen handy.
In this episode, I'm here to get real with you and hold the mirror up so that you can see what you can't see. Are you limiting yourself or others without even realising it? Are you talking yourself out of things that could help you grow and expand? Are you struggling to leave a job or relationship even though you know it's not serving you?
As humans, we often think we have control over our thoughts and actions, but did you know that nearly 90% of your thoughts originate from your subconscious mind? That means that most of the time, we are automatically thinking without even realising it.
Through my work as a coach, I've seen how our thoughts can hold us back and keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. In this episode, I'll share stories of clients who have come to me with challenges they are facing, only to realise that the common denominator between them and their challenges is their own thinking, words, and actions.
Join me as we explore the power of your subconscious mind and how to become aware of the thoughts that are holding you back. It's time to break free from limiting beliefs and start living a life that truly serves you. Don't miss this empowering episode and have a notebook and pen handy.
When you challenge your beliefs you change your life
So this is the belief and success podcast and I’ve got some real talk for you in this episode.
One of the things that a lot of coaches really struggle with, aside from earning enough money to pay the bills, is to serve their clients’ highest good, rather than wanting to be their friend.
It is my job in service to you dear listener to hold the mirror up to you so that you can see what you can’t see.
How nearly 90% of your thoughts originate from your subconscious mind. Meaning you are automatically thinking without challenging yourself.
I’m here to get real with you. I’m here to tell you that the best way to stay stuck, to feel lost, to feel like the world is against you is to believe your thoughts. (and of course, I’m talking here about people who live lives away from war and imminent death.)
How often as people do we limit ourselves?
How often do we limit others?
How often do we talk ourselves out of things when another part of us is eager to grow and expand?
How often do we find it difficult to leave a relationship or job because even though we know it’s what we need to do, somehow we keep justifying a reason to stay.
Often clients come to me telling me how a situation is, maybe what’s happening with their boss at work, or a team member. Maybe it’s an issue with a client they have. It might even be about how they are struggling to make money. Or have meaningful connection and intimacy in their romantic relationship.
And on the surface what they are saying has a ring of truth to it. Most often it’s spoken as if a fact.
Yet the common denominator between the person expressing their challenge, and the challenge itself is them. And most likely their thinking, and quite possibly also their words and actions!
I tell my clients this often that I’m not here to be their friend, even though I love them dearly. It’s my role to challenge them to find the truth. To challenge their beliefs and the stories they tell themselves.
Brene Brown has this brilliant way of expressing outwardly that she’s getting caught up in her thoughts by saying “the story i’m telling myself right now is”.. I love the bravery of this.
Imagine a situation at home with your partner or a family member, even at work, where you are able to be vulnerable enough to say “the story I’m telling myself about this situation right now is ”. Using this strategy can actually change the outcome of a conversation and often open up the conversation to more possibilities. It might be messy and uncomfortable at the time, but long term a shift in dynamics in the relationship can occur.
Brene also says this:
“Owning our stories and loving ourselves in the midst of them is the bravest thing you will ever do”
Why? Because another reason we can often stubbornly hold on to a specific belief or way of thinking is because we have merged our identity with this thought or idea being true. So if the thought is challenged then who we believe we are is challenged. And that can be incredibly destabilising for someone. Particularly if inwardly they actually are anxious or worried about wanting to maintain a strong exterior or a certain public persona.
The biggest challenge people face is the internal battle between intuition (gut knowing) of what they need to do and their thinking - which is solely designed to keep them safe from harm and often means they talk themselves out of something.
And yet when you challenge your thinking you can literally transform your life. You can make the impossible possible.
An interesting comparison with the animal kingdom, in terms of the power of transformation and intuition, is the butterfly.
The caterpillar intuitively knows it’s time to change and gradually it weaves the chrysalis around itself to begin the 4 week process of metamorphosis in order to become free to fly and be transformed into a butterfly.
Can you imagine if the caterpillar limited itself to a life of eating leafs and climbing and walking over plants with its legs, believing that flight was impossible?
As humans our brain loves to create meaning. It loves to save energy and find the easiest solution - even if the process involves repeated erroneous thinking or limiting beliefs.
We attach meaning to our thoughts.
We identify with our thoughts and beliefs.
I think this because..
It becomes an absolute. Black and white.
That person said this or did that, therefore I will hold them in my mind rigidly, as someone who I have to dislike because…
My first introduction practically to challenging my beliefs and thinking came through being taught and then studying voraciously philosophy, particularly yogic philosophy.
One thing I experienced through my journey with eastern philosophy was an opening of my mind to multiple possibilities. To different perspectives. To seeing myself and the world in a new way. A paradigm shift occurred.
I learned to explore possibilities beyond my tendency to label and pigeonhole and think in terms of absolutes.
I learned to loosen my grip on believing every single thought I had. And to believe less what others expressed as absolutes.
I’ll probably quote my friend Darryl for the rest of my life - because back in a time when I was hugely sensitive and react and unknowingly depressed and struggling with undiagnosed ADHD he told me kindly to help deflect me taking things people said so personally “Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one”. I still carry those words with me and share them often!
One teaching by the ancient Indian scribe Patanjali is something I teach often to my coaching clients: vastu-sāmye citta-bhedāt tayor vibhaktaḥ panthāḥ
“Each individual person perceives the same object in a different way, according to their own state of mind and projections. Everything is empty from its own side and appears according to how you see it. “
Dr Wayne Dyer, an internationally renowned author and speaker in the fields of self-development and spiritual growth famously wrote: If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
This then lead the way for me to go deeper into my exploration of belief through breathwork and the coaching that was a specific lever for a type of breathwork called Transformational Breath, which I studied, qualified in and experienced regular coaching and mentoring with, still to this day.
One of the big levers in the coaching element of this process is to deeply challenge the beliefs of the person having the session. To deeply challenge the thoughts.
And let me tell you, actually being challenged, having your thoughts examined for real truth is both uncomfortable AND the greatest opportunity to healing and personal freedom I’ve experienced.
Many times on the trainings I attended I can remember that sinking feeling as another myth I had believed about myself, someone else or what was possible in my life, got busted.
I realised that my thinking either imprisoned and limited me or set me free to create myself again and again in the world and reach my fullest potential.
In my personal experience, the most fulfilled and adaptable people are the ones who remain open to understanding themselves more deeply. Who are willing to learn. Who are curious to explore life, work, and relationships. Who are willing to be challenged.
Family, religion, culture, media, and educational institutions all condition us. Are part of our programming. And we need to learn to challenge our thinking and the thinking of people around us if we are seeking growth. If we are seeking to make the world a better place.
Self reflection and self-awareness can replace guilt, shaming yourself or beating yourself up.
And this will offer you freedom.
Freedom feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. It feels like a big sigh of relief that actually you’re ok, you’re enough, you are worthy, you are safe.
My question to you is though how often do you actually challenge yourself? And I don’t mean, how often do you go to battle with yourself and beat yourself up!
I mean how often do you actually, constructively pay attention to your thinking, to your beliefs and take time to slow down and examine them?
As episode zero covers, and I’ll probably cover again and again, we have up to 6,000 thoughts a day, 95% of which are repeated each day, 90% of which are negative, 85% of those negative thoughts will not come true. YET, we still believe our thoughts, which statistically are proven to be most often negative and incorrect.
And remember that most of your beliefs are programmed and hardwired by the time you are 7 years of age and then imprinted deeper into your subconscious into your early 20s.
One belief I have that I’d like to share with you is that if you subscribe, like, leave a review (even if it’s clicking on 5 stars) and share this podcast, then I can impact more people positively with the message I have.
So I’m inviting you right now, before you carry on listening, if you are getting anything from this podcast to please subscribe, like it, leave a rating or review and share it with a friend, partner, on your social media. Take that action now.
It’s my experience and belief that quantum leaps take place when we move from thought into action immediately. No lag. No delay. Just doing.
Ok Let me give you an example of a belief that is often shared with me that I know has a deeper root, that needs exploring.
When someone that I speak with about coaching says to me “I can’t afford it” on the surface it might have some level of reality. In other words, investing in yourself might involve using savings, using a credit card… taking a risk. It might involve tightening the purse strings, or going without something else.
When people buy cars, houses, even holidays, often times they take out loans. When people go to university they take out loans.
Yet transforming your life, challenging your beliefs, holding yourself accountable to change and ultimately facing the fear of failure or exposure, is what’s really underneath the “I can’t afford it” statement.
What’s also often underneath the “I can’t afford it” example is “It’s not a priority for me”.
Another belief lurking in the depths might be - “I can’t spend that money on me - what if it doesn’t work, like the last time I invested money in that weight loss program?” And a layer deeper is ACTUALLY a lack of self trust. That you can succeed. That you can do it. Self-doubt has appeared and suddenly your fear of failure persuades you that you can’t afford it.
And another belief underneath “I can’t afford it” is - while I need to change, another part of me really doesn’t want to change. I’ve become attached to this situation, maybe my role as a victim or martyr and without this story, without seeing myself as this person who am I?”
So it can become an existential crisis of sorts for someone.
If I change then who will I become? If I change will my friends still like me? If I change will something terrible happen.
You see - underneath “I can’t afford it” when you really examine things can be MANY beliefs that run unconsciously.
Now that might seem glib, but the truth is, if you want something badly enough you will find a way to make sure you make it happen.
If we take our beliefs, our thoughts at face value, we limit ourselves, we limit our choices and we end up with low self esteem, poor boundaries and in situations where we don’t advocate for ourselves effectively because we simply don’t understand our deepest motivations.
So, my friend it’s time to tool you up with 4 of the most effective questions you can ask yourself.
Get a pen and paper at the ready and think of a story you have right now. It might well be I can’t afford it… And then pass it through the filter of these 4 questions.
These questions form the primary part of The Work by Byron Katie.
Remember after all, The truth will set you free, but first of all it might piss you off.
Ok - are you ready>
The first question you ask is: Is it true?
Take a moment and quickly write down YES or No. Don’t try and justify. Just a yes or no.
Second question is: Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Be honest with yourself. Allow resistance to appear, and stay true to yourself and your integrity. Answer it honestly.
The third question is How do I react when I believe that thought?
Now we are getting somewhere. Write down what you do when you believe this thought
The fourth question is Who would I be without the thought?
And this my friend is what opens you up to new possibilities, and ultimately freedom.
So many people who enjoy self development believe that they don’t need support. They can read the books or listen to the podcasts and gain the knowledge and have the insights.
There is a gap though between knowing and doing. Between the integration of the knowledge into the tangible change and process of transformation.
And unless you hire a coach or therapist, that gap is filled by your subconscious, unchallenged thinking! Which will either significantly slow you down or keep you stuck.
As always thank you for listening. Please do remember to subscribe, leave a rating or review and share with your community.
Until next time, take care.