How to Stop Being Busy

Welcome to a mind-blowing episode of the podcast! 

Are you feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out? It's time to slow down and become proactive! In this episode, I explore the antithesis of busy and reveal how taking your time can give you more time.  It may sound counterintuitive, but trust me, it's life-changing.

As you slow down, you'll feel a surge of energy, become more present with your loved ones, and experience more peace of mind. The secret lies in activating your parasympathetic nervous system, the rest, digest, and repair mode. By doing so, you'll be more in balance and less stressed.

But if you're a busy person, you may feel like life is happening to you, and you're in survival mode.  Don't worry; there's hope! You can learn a new way of being and make it a habit. In this episode, I guide you through the process and show you how to become the master of your time and energy.

So, buckle up and get ready to be hit by a truck of positive change. Listen to this episode and transform your life!  And remember to leave a rating, leave a review, subscribe and share on your socials tagging me: @andyjnathan.

Transcript

Ep5. how to slow down from being busy and actually GAIN time

The success we want in life, the things we want to achieve are interwoven within our relationship with time.

How much time we believe have, or don’t have.
Ask someone stricken with a life-threatening illness, or caught up in a serious accident, war or natural disaster and they will tell you never to take a second for granted. That life can change in a heartbeat.   That life can end in a moment.  That not even your next heartbeat is guaranteed.

And yet people fail to make the most of every moment, being present, savouring all the surprises and time that’s available. 

So why do so many of us struggle with the feeling that there’s too much to do and not enough time?  Why do so many people struggle with being too busy and stressed.  Too overwhelmed?

I have ADHD and often experiencing time-blindness which looks like underestimates how long something will take, tight schedules can sometimes be a challenge, and I can sometimes lose track of time because I’m hyperfocused.  So in my 52 years so far, I’ve learned a lot about time.  

Time needs respect.
One of my clients once said to me, if I can exchange my time for money then I will jump at that, because if you can save me wasted years struggling with something and help me in 90 days or 6 months, then I’ll pay for the time you save me.  The years, the months you save me.

Something I see regularly is that humans experience time differently, depending on whether they are very busy and feeling stressy, and when they are calm and clear-headed.

It can look like this:
There’s never enough time when you are busy and stressed.  
And there’s SO much time when you are calm and moving slowly and carefully.

All we ever have is the present moment.  NOW.
Eastern philosophy’s foundation is be present with what’s happening now.  Appreciate the experience. Honour the present.

When we are present, in the present moment without distraction or worry, we can have an appreciation and respect for our experience. We can even experience a sense of time slowing down.  Creating time, almost.

At the end of this session, I’ll be taking you through an exercise I take my clients through in sessions to teach them how to become present.  One client only this week said to me, what does being present actually mean, what does it look like…?  So I’ll teach you this at the end of this episode.

As a child I remember the six-week school holidays in the summer as stretching, seemingly endlessly into the future.   Now six weeks rushes by in a flash.

What I’ve noticed, and been guilty of myself, is that busy people fill their days with so many activities and tasks and get to bed shattered only to repeat the same pattern the next day and the next.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and out of control and to feel stressed as a result.   Even if what you are doing is something you love, if you are pushing constantly there will be a moment when exhaustion, burnout, sickness or injury will hit.

Whatever is going on, when it seems like there’s not enough time and too much to do what’s happening is that you’ve lost control and become the victim of your schedule.

Something that I see time and again is how people give their power away to their schedule or other people’s demands.   This may come from wanting to do it all, have it all.  It may come from not trusting that someone else can help you or do things the way you like, it might be that you are trying to keep people happy.

Whatever it is, ultimately it’s a lack of self-respect and not having healthy boundaries with yourself.  It shows you don’t understand what your needs are.  Being busy is a pattern, a habit that stops you from thriving and living your life in a healthy and happy way.

And if this can be one of your patterns, being in control of or being the victim of your schedule and your life is a choice.  Consciously or unconsciously.

This can be a low punch for some people who haven’t learned how to create boundaries, how to honour their needs, or even what their needs are.   

Rushing around, being busy, and directing others to stay busy are what happens when you are in fight/flight or people please mode.  Your nervous system is dysregulated. You are in survival mode.

The idea of slowing down, even doing nothing can be absurd, even terrifying.  What do I do when I do nothing? I’ll be bored.  I might have to sit with my thoughts and feelings and I definitely want to avoid them.  I might have to actually make a change in my life and I don’t know where to even start with that.

You get to choose how much to put on your plate for the most part.  

If you do want to have more time, to feel more in control, and even to be more productive then you have to respect time. You have to respect yourself.  You have to respect your life right now and the life you are looking to create.

What you give yourself to do, and what pressure you put on yourself is where you need to start looking.   And it doesn’t have to be complicated!!


The simplest way to do this is to schedule in time to do nothing.  Block out time in your calendar.  Get out of the house at that time if you need to and do nothing.  And see what comes up.

When we slow down we can see what’s going on.  We can see what thoughts are dominant (remember we can’t trust our thinking as I’m covered in detail in previous episodes).

If you are needing to stay busy and you schedule in time to slow down you might notice that worry or fear seems to be present (and that’s ok).  

Fear for me tends to show up when I don’t know, when there isn’t certainty, when I don’t yet have a solution, when I can’t see clearly enough into the future to get some kind of guarantee that everything will be ok.

(even though it always, eventually is ok).

And this is how I help my clients.  When we slow down together in a session, or in a retreat or event, we can see what’s going on under the surface.

Remember it’s the stuff under the surface that drives our behaviours without us realising.  So once we can see what’s really going on a little more clearly, we can do something about it.  We have choice. And that is when you stop being a victim and start becoming accountable.  You step into the owner of your life. The driver of the bus, not a passenger.   

So if you are a busy person, you struggle to slow down, maybe you learned that it was lazy, or that if you slow down you find yourself picking up your phone and scrolling, or watching tv, or making a list of everything you need to do.  Whatever it is…  if that’s you then there’s a good chance that much of this is rooted in your earliest years.  

What I’m saying is that your habits directly relate to the way you learned (consciously or unconsciously) what kept you safe, what helped you feel significant, and what helped you not feel alone or in danger.

Let me explain.

You might have grown up in a household that was reactive, emotions would run high and there wasn’t a lot of regulation, you didn’t see much healthy communication, there might have been blame, stress, arguments, judgements of others and shouting.  It’s likely there would have been lots of rushing around, boundaries not being effective or respected, and a sense of peace wouldn’t be so familiar.  Or you might have grown up in a household where there was some of the above, but not MOST of the time.  A household where you felt safe and that you were safe.  There might be rushing around, but more often than not things around you were proactive, more measured.  Boundaries were respected, communication didn’t just involve impatience and shouting and you remember playing and having a lot of fun.

And in fact it could be the same household, just you as a child’s experience of it could have been different, to say a sibling. One child might have and I use inverted commas, because the early brain is a meaning making machine.. One child might have learned to see being busy as productive because they didn’t want to be lazy because lazy was bad.  And one child might have learned to be more cautious, more thoughtful, more reserved, because that’s what helped them feel more safe and in control.

Whatever, the most consistent habit you learned - being reactive or being more proactive, is going to be your default program.

So as adults there will be either an unconscious habit to be reactive and surprised a lot, struggling with change often.  Or someone who is able to be take a more proactive and pragmatic approach.  

Small scale - what’s happening immediately vs big picture - what can happen over time.

Impatience vs impatience.

And there’s no shame here - we have to be compassionate with ourselves and our habits and patterns.

While it’s a complete waste of time to wrestle with our unhelpful habits, what we can do is focus on creating new ones.

We will have attachment (unconsciously) to our unhelpful habits and there will be resistance to change to stop, however we can grow the muscle of choice through self-discipline.

And we don’t have to create a massive change in every area of our lives where we are addicted to busyness.  We start small in one area and we repeat the small step daily.


Habits then are learned and practiced over years - the wiring in the brain is already done -w e can’t change the wiring of our old addictive patterns..  But we can create new wiring. We can create new connections in our brain which will become strong pathways over time.

It’s why our childhood conditioning has such a big part to play unconsciously in our growth, challenges and successes as adults.  Because the old wiring is our default.

It does take effort to change. There is resistance with growth.  Everything in nature experiences resistance with growth, but it’s humans that attach meaning to resistance saying it’s hard or bad.  It’s just growth!

So you CAN become a proactive person!   
Honestly speaking, if you want to experience much more of what’s available to you in this life time you HAVE to become a proactive person and not a reactive person.  You owe it to yourself - to this one wild and precious life that you have to learn how to create your life.  To learn how to create yourself, to grow into the person you want to be.

Proactive people operate in the realm of what could be possible. They don’t impose limits on themselves or situations.
They know that when they label something or someone as bad, it has no chance of being anything else.
They know that imposing limits on themselves through their thinking will cause them more problems than they may already be experiencing. 

They see what they can do, and do it. 

They know that he not enough time, too busy person is actually making excuses.. For not changing, for not growing as a person. 

And this is where I come in.  This is exactly the work that I do with people.  I hold up a mirror and with love show them what’s really going on.  

One client told me that they hadn’t gone out for their daily walk in daylight (one of my challenges to them) because helping their partner had taken up a lot of their time.  They time they sent me the text message it was still very much daylight.  Late afternoon yes, but still daylight.

And I knew that they were hiding behind being too busy, even using their partner as an excuse.  So lovingly, but directly I invited them to see if what they told me was actually true and to get their arse out the door and go for a walk.  And they did.  They sent me a hilarious Video on Voxer of them walking and waving at me!

All it takes to stop you hiding behind being busy, and actually taking meaning action is you slowing down and seeing what’s going on.

So let’s review before the exercise I’m going to take you through.
 
Too busy
Not enough time…
Victim mindset - not owning control of actions, diary, life, commitment

Fight / flight - panic
Everything is urgent
Feeling out of control
Needing to create control
Ultimately feeling a lack of safety in that moment - worry, anxiety, etc.

Not enough time
Too much to do
I’m too busy

Links to overwhelm.
An addiction to being busy



And the antidote, the antithesis of busy is to slow right down.  This is how you can learn to become proactive.   

In order to have more time you have to give yourself more time and take your time.

It’s the most counterintuitive thing you can do..  It makes no logical sense to many people until you try it out regularly. And then it’s like being hit by a truck.

FUCK I have more energy, I’m more present with my loved ones, I feel more peace of mind, I feel less stressed, as a result of slowing down.

What’s happening physiologically is that the parasympathetic nervous system, the rest, digest and repair mode is being up regulated more and we are becoming more in balance!

However the busy person, is in victim mode.
They feel like life is happening to them and they can’t understand why.. And this is the sympathetic branch of the nervous system - fight/flight/people please.  Survival mode.

I used to be that person all the time.

Yoga and meditation massively helped me change this.  And I use many tools I learned, and in trauma trainings to help my clients shift from Busy and reactive people to more balanced proactive people.  The clients that have the most success with this shift are the ones that are all in.  They fully commit to the process each day.


One client this week told me they felt 100% better because of an exercise we did (that I’m going to teach you in a moment).

Another client had tears in their eyes telling me
“I’m amazed at how pleasurable it feels to slow down and be present.
The fear has gone, the stories are gone.  My mind feels calm and clear.”

You slow down, you can change how you feel, which changes what you see, which gives you options and opportunities..

If you believe you can find a way you will  And this is the proactive mindset.  The proactive habit.

All you have to do is slow down.

So let’s do the exercise now.  If you are at home, or in a building I’m going to ask you in a moment, to go to the window and look out - don’t do this yet, stay where you are for now.   If you are outdoors instead of going to the window, you can just pause and I’ll share the exercise with you.  And if you are driving or operating heavy machinery do this exercise when you are home or somewhere where it’s safe for you to stop.

Ok, so for those of you who are at home I’m going to invite you now to get up and go over to the window.  Once you are there take a moment and ask yourself this - Did I notice each thing I needed to do consciously to get to the window or did I do that on automatic pilot?
Be honest.

Let’s try that again.  Go back to where you were originally.  Maybe you were sitting down.  Ok, now slowly, take a moment and think about the very first move you need to make to shift from where you are to being ready to move to the window.  Maybe it’s getting ready to stand up, maybe it’s taking the brake off your wheelchair.  If you are in a car and you are parked safely, maybe it’s getting ready to undo your seatbelt.  

If you are outdoors maybe it’s preparing to stop running, or cycling or stop walking.

Good, now take that next move REALLY SLOWLY - the standing up, the wheeling your chair or getting into your walking frame.  Undo your seatbelt.  SLOWING your bike down to a stop, slowing your run to a stop.  Slowing your walk to a stop. 

And notice all the tiny movements that your muscles and bones have to make.

If you are heading to a window, do this SLOWLY - pay attention to each limb that is moving, pay attention to whether you are holding your breath -if so, relax your jaw and throat, and softly breath through your nose as you move slowly to the window.  Notice what’s around you - objects, furniture as you are moving there.

If you are in your parked car, noice how you may need to shift your body weight and seating position, what you have had to do or be aware of in that more confined space so that you can look out of the window comfortably.

If you are outdoors now coming to a halt.

Take a moment. Wherever you are, soften the muscles in your face. Relax your jaw and throat, gently draw your shoulders back, relax your chest.  Allow your breath to be soft.  And breathing in very gently through your nose, down into your belly and then breathing out.

Breathing in for a count of 4 and breathing out for a count of five.  (6 times).

Ok now let the breathing relax again and notice what you see.  And as you do this, is it possible to relax your eyes a little.  Don’t overthink it or worry if you are getting it right or wrong.  Accept that this is a practice and you are just trying this on to see what happens.  So see if you can relax your eyes, soften your eyes and as you look outwards, take the desire to look for detail and analyse away.  So just look at shapes, contours, colours, perspective with more relaxed eyes. 

If you notice a tendency to want to describe what you see in your mind, or if there is a story going on, drop it.  And come back to the practice (which may take some practice) of just seeing contours, shapes, texture, colours. Almost like you withdraw some of your focus back into your head - like you want to focus less and just see more broadly without so much need for detail.

And now can you notice the space between the objects, maybe the space around you, wherever you are.  Without turning around.  Just sense it.   Invite in the possibility that you can notice space in front of you and around now.

See if you can relax your body a little more, see if you can soften the breath a little more.  See if you can relax the mind a little more.

Just notice the process of seeing, and also an awareness of space around what is being seen and around you, the seer.

And keeping the breath soft and going in and out from the belly through the nose, allow yourself to keep re-setting to just seeing shapes, objects, colours, contours, distance without attachment to what you are seeing.  Without labeling.  Without creating meaning.

Instead it’s just shapes, and objects and contours and colours that have no meaning. 

It’s just what is being seen.  It’s just what is being observed.  And keep gently noticing the space around you, maybe even space that’s appearing within you.  Maybe there’s even space appearing between thoughts.

If the mind has gone wandering, come back to seeing with relaxed eyes and noticing space around you.  Allowing the breath to be relaxed and to come and go.

And then when you are ready take a moment and ask yourself, how am I doing?
Have I noticed a shift in my mood from before I began this practice?
Have I noticed a shift in my feelings since I began this practice?
Can I create an opportunity for me to practice slowing down a little more each day?

Thank you for doing this practice with me.

Ok, my friend, so this is the end of this episode.  Remember to take a moment to leave a rating - it takes literally 2 seconds.  If you want to leave a review that would be incredibly helpful.  Make sure you subscribe to the podcast and please do share it on your socials and tag me @andyjnathan.  And of course if you haven’t already, please do join the free online community where I host the podcast and also offer free trainings each month to deepen topics I’ve covered in the podcast episodes.    

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